How do you write wedding vows?

“Dear Reini, I take you to be my husband. I wear this ring as a symbol of my love and fidelity. I will love, cherish, and honor you, in good times and in bad. Until death do us part.”‍

Can you feel it? The romance, the almost tangible love, contained in these personal words? Neither can we. Such generic wedding vows lack emotion, meaning, and gravitas. To wedding guests, they come across like a recited school report, and even the bride and groom will almost certainly not remember any of it. That’s a shame—after all, wedding vows are supposed to be the most important promise of your life.

But how do you actually write your own wedding vows? The following nine tips will help you. Don’t worry—you don’t need to have Goethe’s literary talent or Martin Luther King’s eloquence to convey, through your vows, what your partner means to you. Use these nine tips as a blueprint and fill them with your personality, your story, and your hopes for the future.

1. Purpose of the Engagement

Talk to your partner about the wedding vows. Of course, you don't have to reveal the final version, but you can discuss a few key points:

• Shall we make the same promises to each other?
• Do we want to keep our promises in a certain style?
• Are there any topics that should not be discussed?
• Now take a look at the calendar. Is there still more than enough time? Good! Then you should just barely make it. No matter how much time you’ve set aside for writing, it’ll take longer. You’ll search for inspiration, you’ll procrastinate, and you’ll probably get lost in your thoughts as you ponder all the reasons why you’re saying “yes.”

2. The Introduction to the Wedding Vows

As with most texts, the first sentence is often one of the hardest. But it doesn't have to be. Start by describing who is standing across from you right now, other than your partner.

3. What makes your love special?

What is it that you love about your partner? What made you decide to make a “forever” promise? When and how did you realize you had fallen in love? What do you miss when she or he isn’t there? Use the answers to these questions to put into words the difference this person makes in your life.

4. Tell a story

Think back on the time you’ve spent together so far and find a story that shows who this person standing in front of you is and how much they mean to you. The classic choice here is, of course, the story of how you met, but there are surely plenty of other lovely anecdotes as well.

• When was he or she there for you when you needed them the most?
• When was he or she there for you when it didn't matter at all, but he or she did it anyway?
• When have you completely messed something up, but she or he wasn't mad at you?
• What have you learned from him or her?
• How do you write wedding vows? How do you write wedding vows?

5. Add to your wedding vows

It does make sense to include the classic elements of a wedding vow in yours. You know—the parts about love, support, fidelity, and so on. But these points are interchangeable, since every couple promises them to each other. That’s why you should add personal touches to your vow. Little things from everyday life, promises that maybe only the two of you understand—or that at least fit you both well:

• "I promise I'll never keep watching our favorite show without you."
• "I promise to make sure there are always enough Schokobons in the cupboard."
• "I promise I'll never dog-ear the pages of your books."

6. Don't forget the hard times

Reassure your spouse that you'll be there for him or her even when things get rough—whether it's a health issue or the Wi-Fi goes out.

7. Vows & Shared Goals

Be specific about what you hope for your future together:

• I want to find a home with you.
• I want to explore the world with you.
• I want to start a family with you.
• I'd like to play Dame with you at the retirement home.

8. Death does not have to be the end.

We’re familiar with most wedding vows from the big screen, where it’s common to end with the famous words, “until death do us part.” For us as viewers, that’s great, because then we know, “Ah! Now it’s over.” But you have guests, not an audience. So if you don’t want the last sentence of your wedding vows to foreshadow both of your deaths, then skip it.

9. General Tips

Make a list

Jot down ideas on a list before you start writing. If you have enough time, create a note on your smartphone and spend a few days collecting keywords that you’d like to include in your promise. Whenever an idea comes to mind, add it to the list—that way, you’ll already have plenty of material when you start writing, and you won’t be staring blankly at a blank page.

Relive the memories

Surrounding yourself with mementos can help when you're writing. You don't have to pin a dozen photos to the wall and tie them together with a common theme: Look at photos on your laptop, scroll through long-forgotten chat messages, or call friends and ask them about their favorite experiences with you. You’ll see—one memory will lead you to the next, and you’ll quickly gather lots of ideas.

Take breaks

It’s paying off now that you started when you still had more than enough time. It often helps to set a text aside for a day or two before trying to continue writing. A fresh perspective often works wonders. Even when writing this piece, there was a long weekend between when I started and when I finished.

Well then, after all these tips on wedding vows, you’re probably ready to start crafting your own. Do you have paper, a pen, a smartphone, or a laptop within reach? Then get started right away!

Don’t feel quite ready to write down your thoughts yet? Then there’s another option—one that might have been called “cheating” back in school. Let’s not be so harsh and just call it “using good phrasing as a starting point.” Here are three versions of wedding vows that you just need to personalize a bit, and then you’re ready to use them for your wedding:

Personal Wedding Vows

Today—on this day that belongs to us—in front of all our favorite people, I want to promise you that I’ll cherish the everyday moments. I love that my coffee is already waiting on the table in the morning because you make the effort every day to get up ten minutes before me.

But I also want to promise you that I’ll celebrate the big moments—the anniversaries, the adventurous trips, the career milestones—with you as they deserve. I want to dance with you and switch off my mind every now and then; I want to cheer with you at the next World Cup and sing along at the top of my lungs at the open-air festival this summer.

Our life together is reaching a new, special stage. Let’s celebrate it—now, from this moment on, and forevermore!

The Clear Vow of Marriage

• In your presence, I open my heart. I give you my love.
• I share my strength and my vulnerability with you.
• I am convinced that together we can overcome any challenge.
• I promise you that I will support you unconditionally in everything you do.
• I have great confidence in us and in our future together, and I can hardly put into words how deeply I feel for you. You are my light, my foundation, and my inspiration—today and every day of our life together.

The Classic Wedding Vows

In your eyes, I have found a home, and in your heart, my love. Today, on this special day, I promise to always be there for you. I will support you when you need me and give you space when you need it.

I promise to cherish the little things that make our love so special. I’ll hold your hand, both in moments of joy and in times of challenge.

Together we’ll laugh, dream, and experience life in all its colors. I’ll be your partner—today, tomorrow, and in all the years to come.

Reciting the wedding vows

Once you’ve written your wedding vows and, after letting them sit for a day or two, have reread them and are satisfied with them, you can write them out on small index cards. Use a colored pen to mark the spots where you’d like to pause briefly while speaking. By the way, the paper for your notes can be a little sturdier—after all, your hands might get a little sweaty on your wedding day. That’s no big deal, because with our tips for reciting your wedding vows, you’ll be well prepared:

• Before you start speaking, take three deep, calm breaths.
• Take your time.
• Focus on your partner when you speak.
• Pause at the places where you marked your pauses with a colored pencil.
• And then: A kiss to finish it off!

Now that you’ve written down your wedding vows—and maybe even memorized them (though that’s not a must!)—you can set your notes aside for quite a while. Pull them out shortly before the wedding, read through everything at your leisure, and look forward to saying these loving words to the love of your life soon. We wish you every success, much joy, and lots and lots of love for the two of you!

‍