Wedding with Divorced Parents

A wedding always highlights the different roles within a family. As the bride, you stand next to your groom at the altar—but to the guests, you’re their sister, granddaughter, best coworker, or even their beloved daughter! To your parents, you’re exactly that, and that should be the reason why your mother and father proudly walk you down the aisle. Even if they are divorced as a married couple.

Remind your parents of their role.

If your mom and dad are divorced and don’t get along as well as they used to, that doesn’t exactly make planning the wedding easy. That’s obvious. But it’s best to try to get your parents on board right from the start. Because, as is so often the case, the key to more harmony is good communication!

Explain to your parents that they’re welcome to attend your wedding in very specific roles: as your mother and as your father—not as a resentful ex-wife or a hurt ex-husband. They’re welcome to leave the role of ex-partner at home on this important day. And they should be as proud as can be—of their daughter, who’s so excited about her own wedding.

Involve both parents.

Wedding planning, in particular, offers plenty of opportunities for minor hard feelings. It’s easy for one parent or another to feel left out or uninformed. Always try to keep all family members equally informed about the wedding plans.

And remember: Parents love being there for their children. Even when we’re adults, they’re only too happy to give us advice. So, ask for help if you need it. Can your mom take in the bridesmaids’ dresses that were ordered too big? Perfect—let her help you! Is your dad a great handyman? He could build the large wooden sign to display your seating chart.

Speaking of seating arrangements …

Who's sitting where?

The seating arrangement is a big deal in and of itself. After all, the celebration is supposed to be a blast, and that can only happen if everyone feels comfortable in each other’s company. But when your parents are divorced, the seating arrangement at a wedding becomes an even bigger challenge.

What’s the best way to tackle this challenge? Once again: Be open about the issue. Talk to your mom about how you’re worried about what it might be like if she sits at the table with Dad. And ask your dad if he can imagine sitting a few seats away from your mom at the same table. If that doesn’t work out, don’t be disappointed. Accept it and find a solution that works for both sides. Just make sure that both parents feel equally comfortable. It would be unfair if Dad had to eat at the kids’ table while Mom gets to celebrate with the bridesmaids…

So, from the planning stage all the way through to the wedding day, a lot of it comes down to good communication with both parents. It’s about fairness and about the joy of being parents—because your mom and dad still share that with you.