From the Wedding to Marriage

One realization that many couples come to only years after their wedding is that the person you marry isn’t necessarily the one you’ll spend your married life with. We humans tend to change and grow over time. Our expectations of ourselves and our lives are very different in our early 20s than they are in our mid-40s. “Therefore, consider carefully before making a lifelong commitment,” Schiller said in 1799. But when it comes to this, we rely on a much more recent piece of wisdom: “Tell me what you want, what you really, really want”—Spice Girls, 1996.

Honey, we need to talk

As you plan your wedding, you’ll talk a lot about your ideas and wishes. How big should the wedding be? What time of year do you want to get married? What style would you both like? We’ve even put together a whole list of questions for you to discuss before the wedding. But while you’re at it, it’s also worth talking about your plans for the years after the wedding. It’s pretty certain that much of this has already come up during your relationship, but a little refresher never hurts.

Coffee Grounds and Crystal Balls

Take a moment to look toward the future together. Where do you see yourselves in ten, fifteen, or twenty years? What are your career goals? Where do you want to live? What kind of home do you want? What are your ultimate goals as a married couple?

But Mom said I could!

Do you want children? If you already have some, would you like to have more? If so, how many, and how do you plan to handle the time, financial, and parenting challenges that come with them? Don’t just think about changing diapers. You can also expect heartbreak and music that, in your opinion, violates human rights conventions.

Around the World

Do you have any dream destinations? Have you always wanted to take a diving course in Australia, spend an evening at the Comedy Cellar in New York, admire the Northern Lights in Norway, or explore the culture of the indigenous peoples of Central America? What trips do you still want to take while you’re young?

Dancing Queen

Are there any interests you’d still like to explore? Hobbies that might still be waiting to be discovered? What do your imaginary “man caves” and “she-sheds” look like? Is there a love of dancing that you’ve never really indulged in, or are there extreme sports you’d absolutely love to try?

The last piece!

A wedding brings together not just two people, but two families. What sounds like a cheesy cliché from a movie father-of-the-bride’s wedding speech actually holds a deep truth at its core. You’re not just gaining new siblings, parents, uncles, and aunts—you’re also taking on new family obligations. How do you plan to handle this? Will you always be on call to babysit for your workaholic brother-in-law? What will happen to your parents when they reach old age? Will they live in your basement and compete with you for the last slice of pizza?

What is the final price?

Please don't let it unsettle you if you don't see eye to eye on every point. You're engaged! You love each other. That's what matters. Everything else is like an Eastern bazaar or an online marketplace: it's all a matter of negotiation.